He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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