Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
