He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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