I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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