idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
