So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize