i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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