shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How external is "for external use only"?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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