i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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