I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's like iHOP with fire
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
