U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
