i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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