Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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