Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
