I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
