Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize