I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
