I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
