I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You are the jesus of drinking
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
