As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
