Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
