I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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