So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
