Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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