I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize