Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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