We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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