Got a toothbrush?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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