turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
