Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
