I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
