mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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