bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
