I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
