He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
