being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
