I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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