all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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