Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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