Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
