he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
