Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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