She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
