speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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