I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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