You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
