we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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