I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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