maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Never underestimate the power of titties
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
