my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
