bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
