omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will pee on everything he values.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize