After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She's the barista slut.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
