Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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