I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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