covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
