your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I could make wine with my vomit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
