I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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