it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
