I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
