I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
