Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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