My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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