someone threw a dead crab at me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize