i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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