i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
