think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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