can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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