I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
