I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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